Sunday, April 29, 2018

Grieving for What Never Was

In late 1979, I was pregnant.  As happens when expecting, dreams and ideas about ones’ future child often come naturally to its parents....parental love is part of that equation.  So, when I miscarried in my 3rd month, there was much grieving for that “child” who would never be.  

But can one grieve for what never existed?  

The doctor who performed the emergency D&C told me that there was never an embryo to begin with; instead, I had had a “blighted ovum”, which never developed beyond a few cells.  Did the mourning end with that information?  Nope. Not even.  
Six months after the miscarriage, on June 14, 1980, I went with my husband, daughter, and brother to see Bill Cosby perform at the Circle Star Theater in San Carlos.  Performing with him was Jose Feliciano, but Cosby was the big draw.  Cosby was almost a heroic figure back then.  His comedy, along that of George Carlin and a few others, helped my family through a devastating time after my sister was killed in a car accident at the age of 16. We listened to his comedy bits over and over again on our reel-to-reel Ampex tape deck.  Cosby almost felt like “part of the family” in this way, as he did for many.  He was a role model and icon.  We could recite his bits by heart.  

Last week, Cosby was convicted on three counts in a sexual assault retrial.   The recent revelations about abusive behavior from so many public figures has had us all re-examining our perceptions about what we thought we knew.  
This morning on CBS Sunday Morning, reporter Nancy Gile’s thoughts about Bill Cosby spoke for so many of us. 

 We are grieving for what never was.

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