In late 1979, I was pregnant. As happens when expecting, dreams and ideas
about ones’ future child often come naturally to its parents....parental love is
part of that equation. So, when I miscarried in my 3rd month, there was much
grieving for that “child” who would never be.
But can one grieve for what never
existed?
The doctor who performed the emergency D&C told me that there was
never an embryo to begin with; instead, I had had a “blighted ovum”, which never
developed beyond a few cells. Did the mourning end with that information?
Nope. Not even.
Six months after the miscarriage, on June 14, 1980, I went with my husband,
daughter, and brother to see Bill Cosby perform at the Circle Star Theater in
San Carlos. Performing with him was Jose Feliciano, but Cosby was the big
draw. Cosby was almost a heroic figure back then. His comedy, along that of
George Carlin and a few others, helped my family through a devastating time
after my sister was killed in a car accident at the age of 16. We listened to his comedy bits over and over again on our reel-to-reel Ampex tape deck. Cosby
almost felt like “part of the family” in this way, as he did for many. He was a role model and icon. We could recite his bits by heart.
Last week, Cosby was convicted on three counts in a sexual assault
retrial. The recent revelations about abusive behavior from so many public
figures has had us all re-examining our perceptions about what we thought we knew.
This morning on CBS Sunday Morning, reporter Nancy Gile’s thoughts about
Bill Cosby spoke for so many of us.
We are grieving for what never was.
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